Things To Do At Wal-Mart
by It'sAllGooeyAndSticky
Summary: Kenny, and the person of your choosing, are bored and end up in a walmart. Let's see what kind of trouble they get into. No slash. Please review. Tell me who you chose Kenny to be with. Tell me if you love it or lump it.


**Things To Do At Walmart: When You're Bored**

Kenny was so bored. He didn't know what to do. He was surely going to die of boredom if he didn't find anything to do with his life.

"I'm gonna go kill myself!" he shouted at no one in particular.

"Don't drown again!" his mother shouted as she sat in the kitchen peeling an orange.

Kenny stood up, and left his house. He wished he could truly kill himself. Than at least he could go entertain himself in either Heaven or Hell. He sighed. He started walking in no particular direction. He felt a hand land on his shoulder.

"Want to hang out?"

"Sure." He said as he walked off with his friend. "What do you want to do?" he asked.

"Get in trouble."

"How?" he asked as they both crossed the street.

"Oh…, I don't know." Was the reply.

They both ended up at a Wal-Mart. Ken sighed. He loved window shopping, but hated not being able to actually shop.

"I'm going to buy this pack of gum. Want anything?"

"Nah." Kenny replied sighing. "But…, I want to pay for that." He said as he took out his phone. "Here. Video tape me." he whispered.

"Kenny, what are you going to do?" the question was urgent.

"Nothing too bad." He said as he watched the video camera start.

He walked over to the cash register, and waited for the line to move on. He had a quiet smile on his face.

"Hello, young man. How are you doing?" the cashier asked.

"Fine." Kenny said as he handed over his gum.

The lady ran it through the cash register. Kenny gasped. "Oh my gosh! It's like magic!" he shouted as he grabbed his gum. He handed over his money. "Thank you!" he said happily. "Thank you for the special gift…, of magic." He said as he shook the lady's hand affectionately.

She stared at the second youth who was holding a phone up to their face. She had a bewildered expression on her face.

They both walked away, and soon, were both laughing. Kenny smiled as they sat down. "That had been fun." He sighed.

"I know what else I can do." He said softly. "Come on."

They both walked off, Kenny in the lead. He smiled as he led them to the gift wrap. He took a tube of gift wrap, and waited. He smirked as a man came walking over to their section. Kenny looked, and sure enough, the video camera was taping him.

"Hey!" Kenny shouted as he walked up to the man. "You look like a strong man." He said as he jabbed the man with the gift wrap. "I challenge you to a fight. Right here, right now." He said as he tried to hand the man a tube of the gift wrap.

"Go to hell." The man said as he pushed past Kenny.

"How about you, sir?" he asked the security guard. "Battle of the season, come on! Let's throw down!" he shouted as he bashed the man with the tube.

"Oh, don't you have a mom?" the man moaned.

"I do. Yes." Kenny said softly. "I just…, don't have a dad." He said as tears filled his eyes. "I really always wanted to have a dad that played with me!" he sobbed. "I'm sorry for bothering you!"

"Aaaaww, what the hell. I'll play sword fight with you, kid." He said bitterly.

Kenny and the other man played swords for about two minutes, before Kenny pretended to die.

After the man left, both kids were so happy and cheerful. The best part was, they had gotten it all on video.

They both walked over to the air fresheners. They pretended to sample all the cans. By the time they were done, the place stank sweetly of all the different scents. Kenny couldn't help feeling a sense of accomplishment. He was so absolutely happy right now.

"I love hanging out with you, Kenny, it's never boring."

"I love hanging out with you, too." He said smiling. "Let's keep going, before we get caught as the two trouble makers." He whispered.

"Want anything to drink?" Kenny asked smiling.

"Sure. But, this time, I'm buying." Was the happy reply.

"Okay. But…, can you give me the money to pay?" he asked.

"Kenny, what are you going to do now?"

"Oh…, nothing."

They were standing in line at the food court, and about to buy their drinks. Kenny was smiling. He looked behind him, and made sure the video recorder was going.

"What size?" the man asked as he made Kenny's smoothy.

"Large." Kenny said as he handed over the money.

The man made his smoothy, and handed it to him. Kenny signaled to the man before he walked off. "Can you put a little umbrella in it?" he asked.

"Go away." The man shouted bitterly.

"Is that anyway to treat your loyal customers?" Kenny pouted.

"Sorry. I don't have any umbrellas." He said as he pretended a smile.

He waited for the other drink to be made, and both kids were soon off. He smiled. This was turning out to be a really, really, good day. He couldn't complain. He went and found a white sheet. He draped it over his shoulders, and stepped out into the area of wall mart where there were the most people. He smiled secretively. He gave the video camera a wink, and smiled. Suddenly, the crowd advanced on him. No one really noticed him.

"I'm bat man!" he shouted as he ran through the aisles. "Come, Robin! TO the bat cave!" he shouted.

"Security to hair care, please." Said a voice through the PA system.

Kenny looked at the sign. He was in the hair care isle. He ran as fast as he could, and both of the kids ducked into a fitting room.

"That was so close." He whispered. "We almost got caught."

"Kenny, you're a hoot!" There was laughter coming from both of them.

"Let's get out of here." Kenny said softly. "Dammit! Why is there never any toilet paper in these things!" he shouted. "Anyone got any toilet paper they can pass along under the stall?" he asked.

"Security, to the fitting rooms, please!" shouted a very angry lady into the PA system.

The pair of youths both stepped out of the fitting room, and ran off as fast as they could. Kenny had left the white sheet behind. He was cracking up as he turned and hugged his friend. They both walked over to the condoms and Kenny grabbed a couple dozen. He handed off twelve, and they both split up. Kenny wished he could see the reactions of these people, as both of the kids worked in different parts of the store, slipping the boxes into the random carts. He never got caught. They both met back up in furniture. Kenny was smirking. They walked to the candy isle, and Kenny grabbed a bag of M and M's. Both kids headed up to the customer service desk. They waited for their turn, and Kenny made sure the video recorder was running.

"Hello, young man." Said the lady as she took his M and M's. She smiled. "Three sixty eight, please." She said smiling.

Kenny looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "Is it possible, to put it on lay away?" he whispered. "I know, it's something you've done for a while." He sighed. "Please, can you do that?" he asked.

"Kid, are you serious?" she asked bitterly. "There's a line behind you, and you're bothering me about this?" she asked.

"Please!" he begged.

"Go away, or pay for the candy, kid." She ordered.

"You'll be hearing from my lawyer!" he shouted as he left the line.

Both of them were in tears laughing as they went off to the next activity. Kenny glanced to his friend, and smiled. "Shopping cart races." He said happily.

They both grabbed a cart, and started off. Soon, there was a race of the century, as both youths raced through the store. Fifteen minutes later, the security guards were after them. They both abandoned the carts, and left.

They both stood at a security camera. They smiled, as Kenny started to look deeply into it. He started picking his nose, as he used the camera as a mirror. People passing by didn't notice anything, because he was being blocked from view. He smiled as his task was complete, and they walked off. He wished he could see the person's reaction, when the tape was looked at. He walked to the cash register, and looked over to his friend. He looked over to the register, and gave her a serious look. He sighed.

"How can I help you," the young girl asked.

"Do you have any Chipflographs?" he asked sadly. "I busted my old one, and I really need another one." He sighed.

"Uh, no. I don't think we do." She muttered. "Let me check on that." She said as she picked up her telephone. "Hey, Dale?" she asked. "Do we have any chipflograms?" she asked.

They both stood there for about ten minutes with the customer service lady trying to get that Chipflogram. Kenny finally gave up, defeated. He left sadly, and went to hide in the auto department.

"Kenny, you're awesome."

"I am really good, aren't I?" he said as he smiled.

They both went to the radios. The youths worked on turning all the radios to polka stations, and turned them off. They turned the volume up full blast, and left after taking care of all the radios. Soon, as people started testing them out, polka could be heard every twenty minutes. Kenny was laughing.

He grabbed a display bike, and started riding it all around the store. Two security guys tried to confiscate it, But Kenny told them he was going for a test drive. Fifteen minutes later, he put the bike exactly where he found it. He was so happy.

He found the bin of stress balls, and took it in his arms. He started releasing all the balls into the isles.

"Squirtel! I choose you!" he shouted as he threw a ball. "Pikachu, I choose you! Siduck, I choose you!" he went on until all the balls were rolling all over the place.

"Security!" shouted a frustrated lady. "Security!"

Kenny dropped the bin, and they both ran. The pair had busting ribs as they ran as fast as they could. He was so happy, and he was having so much fun. He sighed as both of them walked off to the next place. Kenny caught sight of a badge. It said Lenny. He was a house wears employee. He smirked as he traipsed off to a cash register. He waited.

"How can I help you?" the lady asked. Kenny took a quick peek at her name tag. "I'm looking for a Kate Burtrand." He said. "Lenny from house wears said to tell someone that there was a code three. His radio is broken." He said as he looked scared.

"O shit!" she gasped.

They both walked away without another word. Someone had turned on a radio, and polka music was heard for a second, before it was turned down. Kenny could still smell the air fresheners as he walked by the isle.

"We should get out of here." He said smiling.

"I agree. I'm getting kind of hungry."

"Hey!" Kenny said as he stepped in front of a little old lady. "I haven't seen you in so long!" he said as he looked at her. "I missed you so much!" he said as he smiled at the lady. "I'm so glad to see you. We have to catch up sometime, okay?" he asked softly.

"My son did that to someone a while ago, kid, I'm not falling for it." She said as she walked off in the other direction. They both knew they weren't leaving.

"Can I help you both?" asked a security guard.

"Why won't people just leave us alone!" Kenny shouted as he started to cry.

"Oh dear." The man muttered as he walked away.

Both of them walked off. They made their way to the bathrooms. When no one was watching, they switched the signs. Then, they casually walked off to do other things. There were screams and shouts as people went into the wrong bathrooms.

Kenny had lost his friend. He sighed as he started to look around for anything familiar. He was kind of worried now.

"Marco!" he shouted.

"Polo!" shouted the voice.

"Marco!" he shouted again, trying to find his partner.

They were at this for five minutes, until someone shouted from a nearby place.

"Shut the hell up!"

They both found each other and snickered. Kenny walked up to a manikin, and stood there, looking it deeply in the eyes. He sighed. It was a girl manikin.

"How you doin' today?" he asked softly. "I'm fine. Thanks for asking." He sighed as he hugged the manikin gently. "I missed you too, darling." He said sighing. "I had a terrible day today. Oh, man it was horrible." He sighed. "I didn't get gum, I didn't get an umbrella in my drink, it was a mess." He sighed. "I'm glad you're here though."

"Sir, that's not a real person." Said a man as he walked over to Kenny.

"Hey! Don't you dare talk to my best friend like that, you dirty rat!" he said as he started to cry. "Honey, he didn't mean it, you are real." He said as he squeezed the plastic hand. "People are just jealous of our love for each other."

When they met up again, Kenny saw the never ending joy on his friend's face. He smiled. "I love making people happy." he said smiling at the youth.

"I love being happy! That manikin bit was classic!" The shrieking laughter filled Kenny with joy.

"Sir, can I help you?" asked a man as he walked over to them.

"Yes, can you please direct me to where your Twinkies are?" he asked.

The three of them both walked over to the Twinkies. Kenny thanked the man, and the man left. Kenny waited. A very tall teenager came walking over to them.

"Hey." Kenny said nonchalantly.

"Sup." Said the young man smiling. "Aren't you that McCormick kid?" he asked.

"Yes." Kenny said sighing. "Why do you think Twinkies come in packs of two?" he asked.

"I don't know." The teen said bitterly. "Excuse me." he said as he grabbed a box of Twinkies.

"I know why." Kenny said softly as he grabbed the boy's arm. "Because God told Noah to put two of everything on the arc. Don't you see? It's symbolism." He said as he tried to see the boy's reaction.

"I don't believe in God." The boy said as he left.

Kenny walked along the store until he found a hiding spot. He screamed at the top of his lungs. "Fire! Everyone run! Fire!" He felt a hand clap over his mouth, and he was being dragged off. Soon, he was inside an office. He was turned around, and Kevin was standing right in front of him. He had been working at Wal-Mart for the last four weeks as a manager. He looked angry.

"Kenny, can't you go do your homework or something?" he asked bitterly. "You could get yourself in really deep trouble. Not to mention that what you just did is illegal." He added. "I want you to take yourselves and get out of here. Go back home and eat dinner, and stay there!" he said as he guided both kids out of the store.

"I had fun, Kenny."

"I had fun, too." Kenny said smiling as they made their way to Kenny's place.

"I am really glad I decided to hang out with you. We should do this again sometime."


End file.
